I try to focus but everything's twisted

[800isenough]

[The warrior does not fear death.

That much Zhang Liao is confident about. No matter the odds against him, he knows with iron clad certainty that death's threats and mocking tones fall on deaf ears.

And yet there is something still that trembles within his being. He isn't scared of dying, for that is part of the path of a warrior, and he accepts. But what gnaws at him, like a small but steady drill that slowly but surely chips at a chink in his diamond-hard resolve...it cannot be described with words, but can only be felt with his heart. And in matters of the heart, Zhang Liao has no mastery of them at all. He had thought himself stronger than this, and it's both painful and loathsome to him to stand outside the door and knock three times.

But the whispers of his conscience has turned into a roar, and he can no longer bury and deny them. Not when they are buried with the screams of the dead and departed.

Zhang Liao knocks and announces himself to the one man that could give him the clarity he seeks.]

Master Chen Gong. Pardon me for this intrusion but may I have a few words with you?

Comments

[failednamesake]

Well, the people aren't always right.

[But he has more to say than that.] Think of it this way... let's say that someone does not wish to fight, but is mature enough to understand it needs to happen, and has the strength to do it in the first place. Someone of that disposition will have resolved an inner struggle with themselves, and are much more likely to charge into battle for what people consider the 'noble' reasons. The land looks up to not only the physically strong, but the clear-minded, the mentally adept. 'Benevolent' figures of the past always seem to follow such a formula.

[Trust the neutral party with absolutely none of the traits he just mentioned to give a low-down on morality and leadership.] Obviously, not many people are quite like that.

I do not believe Liu Bei has the mental strength and maturity to fit that 'benevolent figure'. Of course, this is simply an assumption.

You used the B word.

[800isenough]

[Zhang Liao doesn't believe Liu Bei has that capability either; in his opinion, men like Master Guan Yu and Master Lu Bu held more might in one hand then Liu Bei did in his entire being. The second brother is more dignified than the third and is regarded by the people as one of the land's mightiest, next to Lord Lu Bu himself. Surely such a man should be mightier than the kinder but weaker Liu Bei-

...and then a thought occurs to him.]

Perhaps what you refer to is not the might of a warrior, but a leader. Liu Bei speaks often of the people and how he wishes to bring peace back to the land for their benefit. That is why the people fight for him. [And how they adore him too.] I wonder then if a leader's might is derived from the ideals he fights for, while the warrior's might comes from his strength.

I do not believe that warriors as powerful as Lord Lu Bu and Master Guan Yu wield less might than Liu Bei. But perhaps Liu Bei has his own strength drawn from his benevolence and his kindness, and that is why he is regarded as a benevolent leader.

i used the B word so many times my clothes turned green

[failednamesake]

[Ah. Yes, that's right. Different kinds of might- and one can never have it all.

That make sense.

If he was thinking that deeply about this, anyway.]

And together, they make the might of an army. [Ho hum.] Someone could have his or her own might, but it could mean little until combined with someone else's. Is that what you mean?

[So, you're a mighty warrior, Zhang Liao- but under Lu Bu, that means nothing. Zilch. Nadda.]

[800isenough]

[Says the poor strategist who's serving the one lord who emphatically states that he'd rather use brawn over brain in any battle. And you're asking Zhang Liao what he's doing serving Lord Lu Bu? Pot meet kettle.]

That should be the foundation of every good army.

[He lets out a quiet, self-depreciating chuckle.]

I have been so consumed with following the path of the warrior. And in doing so, I have not only fallen off it. I considered talk of strategies and tactics matters I should not concern myself with. As the warrior, I had thought that my role was simply to carry out orders. Instead of speaking to Lord Lu Bu and providing my counsel, I kept silent and allowed him to revile you when your words were all that could've kept us safe.

[Indeed, if he now's the honesty hour...he sort of liked it when you got your ass handed to you Chen Gong.]

I was more concerned with my own selfish goals. No wonder I have fallen to this sorry state.

[failednamesake]

[They're both in the black here, and they know it. There's some kind of strange truce surrounding that.]

Fate really is cruel. Not only is everything falling apart [HE SAID IT OUT LOUD] but the salt is being continuously rubbed in my wound. [Aka, gosh, shut up Zhang Liao. That really hammers the fact in, huh.

...The candle on his desk goes out, at the writing underneath it almost seems to melt away as the darkness settles. Oops.] That's the second candle this night. It must be getting late.

[...

Look, he's not really chasing you out. Not like Chen Gong is gonna sleep much, anyway.]

[800isenough]

[Not the best bonding activity, but it...kinda works.

You could also be clearer on that. Zhang Liao takes that as a sign that Chen Gong wants to be left alone. Zhang Liao's pride and emotions have taken enough of a beating as it is.]

Pardon me then, Master Chen Gong. I shan't tarry any longer. Thank you for your time.

[He salutes. But before he leaves, he feels he should...probably make a better effort than that poor apology.]

Tomorrow may be the last battle for either of us. And though I still find your behaviour...distasteful, you are a far better strategist than I had expected. I would not call it an honor, but perhaps a better word is a privilege.